1. Indicate the
focus and scope of your argument. Examples:
Original
thesis: Bram Stoker’s Dracula discusses the theme of
science versus religion and shows the ways that the humans battle the
undead.
Revised thesis: In
Dracula, Bram Stoker shows the battle of science versus religion through
the ways that the humans battle the undead.
Original
thesis: In this essay, I will discuss the effects of pesticides on
fish populations.
Revised
thesis: The use of pesticides has not only decimated fish populations
but has also endangered other creatures—including humans—who eat poisoned
fish.
2. Indicate the organization of your paper. Example:
Original
thesis: Many things have contributed to the uncertain position of
NATO in the 1990s.
Revised
thesis: Changes in the balance of European power, the decline of
some previously important economies, and the growing importance of
European ties to Middle Eastern, Asian and African countries have
contributed to the uncertain position of NATO in the 1990s.
3. State your
position or argument in specific, concrete terms.
Original
thesis: Joseph Conrad is an interesting but confusing writer.
Revised thesis: Heart of Darkness uses an elliptical and introverted sentence
structure and a confusing use of pronouns to impart the monomania of
Conrad's main character, Kurtz, and the difficulties that Marlow has in
understanding him.
(Oakes)
